Motherhood or thanks Mum and Gibran for the compas!

motherhoodlr

Hey, mothers peeps, do you remember when you told the world you were expecting? how people were so excited and happy for you? I bet your Mum was over the moon too.. With a little sarcastic smile you did not notice back then, something subconscious that whispered “welcome on board, Kharma…”

I never realised all the doubts, the questionings, the pain I had inflicted to my Mother until I became one myself. My son is a typical man in the making, when he is tired he goes to bed. He is loaded with the self confidence of all the white kids in Asia (endless selfies with all the girls around, everlasting compliments on his white skin and his long eyelashes..). Astrology wise, He’s a lion, born the year of the dragon and his name means the Lion Man..

My daughter needs more encouragements to come out of her shell. She is more anxious, less confident so a bit more demanding. She already reached this age when she seems to be a totally independent person. With her own tastes, her own ways. I am looking at her and I see the woman she already is. There are (so many times) I can’t help the burst of emotion, I need to hug her super tight and tell her how much I love her. I so want everything to be perfect, to protect her and her brother from anything that could hurt their precious feelings. I want to be there all the time, ready to fight each and everyone coming a bit too close. It is hard sometimes, to be there without invading. To guide them without imposing my ways. I so want to be perfect to them. So they are always happy. Nobody warned me of the everlasting questionings, the anxiety, the fears, the total lack of confidence that would come with motherhood. And that I would become so emotional over nothing (can you believe I even cried when my son asked me to marry him?! he doesn’t even know the meaning of the sentence! )

I found this poem that my Mum shared with me years ago. Before I even thought of having children on my own. It did not make much sense back then. I guess I was too young to appreciate it. Things are different now and it felt so good to read it again. Moreover, to really understand it. It does make sense now. So My Attilas please bear with me, I am doing my best. When you’ll have children on your own, one day you’ll appreciate this poem too. I love you far far beyond the moon and back.

gibran

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32 thoughts on “Motherhood or thanks Mum and Gibran for the compas!

  1. Dear Estelea, your children are strong and they are building a solif foundation for life. They build it with the parents’ guidance, love, and protection. Time really flies away – children, and parents, enjoy every minute of your beautiful life together! All the best, dear Estelea! PS: She is a Princess, no matter what! 🙂

    1. Thanks so much dear 🙂 Yes time flies, but what an inspiring ride! I had no idea I could ever learn and feel so much, I feel so grateful for my life actually 😉 I know some day my kids will have to leave the nest to use their own wings, and this day again I ll think about the great work of my Mother and her mother before her.. Is there any better award for a parent than your kids telling you “I love you”?

      And yes, Ms Attila is a Princess indeed 😉 How do you know she went to school with her tiara today? I have to pick up my battles when Marcel is out of town, so I focused on Mr Attila leaving the house with his shoes on, not his slippers like yesterday 😛

      1. Yes, what a deep appreciation we have for our parents after we have our own children! Our lives really change: less time for ourselves and much more time with our children. The accounting balance could not be more positive. Our children enrich our lives! Glad that you are receiving and enjoying the “awards.” All the best, my dear friend, and thanks so much for sharp and very interesting comments! Take care! 🙂

  2. That’s an awesome poem…and I love it! It’s hard to believe that Ms Atilla needs encouragement to come out of her shell. She has always seem so confident (and headstrong). And you are a wonder, Mom, my friend! To the kids, you are their world! xxx.

    1. Heartfelt thanks my dear 🙂 I am glad you appreciate the poem too, it is such a beautiful reminder..When my Mum gave it to me years ago, it did not mean much, but when I rediscovered it, it was almost a shock. It’s so true that you can only experience the feelings of motherhood when you have your own children (either you are related by blood or heart 😉 )

      1. You’re most welcome, my dearest.
        When I was a teen, I read him quite often.
        Your mum is very wise. She may have gone the same experience like you know and tried to prepare you. But we cannot understand things before we feel them ourselves, and that’s why we never listen to parents’ advice. 😉 That come only much later, isn’t it? Only then we appreciate their wisdom. And then we repeat the same cycle of events…
        I don’t know if the feelings are the same when one is a stepmom. I am one, but as I arrived at her life much later, when she was six, and as she doesn’t live with us, I didn’t get to experience the growing up moments. Now that she’s a teen, it’s different, as I’m a cross between friend-stepmom, a safe harbor to go to.
        I am grateful to have this experience as I don’t have other children.

      2. Yes, that’s so true.We only learn by experience 🙂
        I like when you say that you’re a “safe harbor to go to”, it is so well said. I still remember this pict your stepdaughter posted on her IG for Mothers Day, feeling so happy to celebrate her 2 Moms. You totally embody the words of Garcia Marquez in Love in the Time of Cholera ‘She discovered with great delight that one does not love one’s children just because they are one’s children but because of the friendship formed while raising them”.

  3. Cet extrait du “prophète ” est tout simplement magnifique.tout le contenu de ce petit livre est magnifique. Je ne peux relire cet extrait sans en avoir la gorge serrée.
    Il faut tellement s’ en imprégner avant d’accepter cette belle et non moins vraie realite:nous donnons la vie a nos enfants, mais ils décident eux mêmes de cette vie.
    Nous pouvons etre des guides, mais sans s’ ingerer dans leurs choix.
    ☆♡☆♡☆♡seuls l’amour et la tendresse sont de mise.plein de bisous donc.

    1. Des enormes bisous en retour, donc! Je me souviens quand tu m’avais offert ce livre quand j etais ado, et franchement ca me m’avait pas captivé. Mais maintenant.. C’est exactement ce dont j’avais besoin comme petite boussole,avant que Ms Attila me dise un peu trop fort de la lacher et de la laisser un peu respirer.. et peut etre est il temps que je sois un peu plus stricte sur le “chacun dans son lit” quand Marcel est à Bantayan 😉 T’dore !!!

  4. I will never stop praising you for sharing with us your inner feelings and emotions as a parent! What a beautiful tribute to what it’s like to be a parent that you’ve written here and the poem at the end is lovely….Your children are absolutely blessed to be surrounded by such love and support..I don’t have children of my own but I can feel what a mother/father must feel like, thanks to your post!
    YOU ARE A GEM!!!!!

    1. Waou, you know how to put a HUGE smile on my face and a little tear at the corner of my eyes, this is so so very sweet of you my dear! Heartfelt thanks!!! You have this special gift to make me feel special, a thousand thanks 🙂 Many many many blessings all the way straight to NYC XXX

      1. Omg when I read your comment , I had a tear in my eye!!! Gosh, you are one amazing human being !!!! You exude joy!!!

    1. THanks so very much 🙂 Karma indeed, I already tell my daughter but she cares as much as me as her age.. I ll give her the poem when she ll be a Mum too 😉

    1. Many thanks, I am so glad it touched you as much as it touched me. And again big thanks for your warm encouragements, they really mean a lot X

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