20h of yoga on Saturday and Sunday, plus at least 5h of practice a week, add all the poses to learn (eve-ry-thing about the pose, including their sanskrit name!), anatomy, philosophy, videos, articles, on top of which I added some additional readings. All I wanted to do with my yoga mat was to roll inside and sleep in for days. Where were the pleasure and the good energy I used to feel after a session? Where had the fun gone ? Hands in prier in front of me, my namaste had turned into a “MERCY ME!”
Blocked in EGOasana
The curious and motivated student had turned into an hyper stressed one, totally frustrated when she would not understand the posture right away, irritated by all the adjustments and desperately looking for an escape. All I could feel is that I was not enough. Not flexible enough, not able to remember any of those unpronounceable sanskrit names, not smart enough to draw a sequence in 10mn. My gigantic ego was in limbo.
Did I feel like quitting? Let’s say that I desperately fantasised about a sudden a job offer in NYC or in Paris that would force me to leave the country ASAP, without feeling guilty or losing face. “I really enjoyed this training but this job is the chance of our life, we really need to leave now, I ll miss you all so much!”
Namast’ay in bed!
So I decided to boycott anything and everything related to the 4 letters word.
No asana, no reading, no class, no connection with any other yogi afficionado, hence no facebook nor instagram, nothing!
The only practice still bearable to me was meditation. I really needed to find some clarity of thought again, by myself, at my pace.
For most of the first sessions, all I could hear was my ego shouting how pissed it was about yesterday. It was so loud that I could not even hear my breathing. But I did not give up. I scheduled my meditation sessions every day, same place, same time.
All I was doing was focusing on my breathing and simply noticing my thoughts and emotions. Eventually, I was feeling more calm and interestingly enough more balanced. The loud ego was out of sight. Maybe because it had no more audience, no one to scare or to please?
Restoring my intentions
I spent most of my newly free time painting with my daughter. No music, no chitchat, just the 2 of us on big canvas, immersed in splashes of colours, glitters, with papers and brushes all around. Totally in the moment, totally content.
After a few days, I felt like attending a class again. It was held by a new teacher and I welcomed the chance to experience something different. When she asked us to set our intention for the practice, I chose “to be in the present moment and simply go with the flow“.
At the end of the session, she asked us to do an ultimate stretch …”of the sides of your mouth up to your ears“. That’s when I recalled my intention in joining the teacher training: to deepen my practice while learning and having fun, so I could share it with my family and friends. All of a sudden I felt very grateful again for the chance to have the time to learn from the best, to practice with a healthy body and a happy mind.
We don’t always need to move our body to practice yoga
This little ego crisis has taught me a few valuable things, and I can see how the seeds planted by the teacher training are slowly growing : learning to be non judgemental, feeling compassion towards myself too, doing all I can to make it good and then, eventually, accepting to let go instead of overthinking a potential result. Like at the end of the good practice, welcoming the savasana. This little rest showed me that the way to restore my intention was to slow down all the things I was doing.
There is a time for everything, and it is to us to know ourselves enough to rest and unplug when we feel the need to. Ahimsa in practice..
In response to the WordPress Weekly Challenge A Piece of Advice – This week’s challenge brings out the positive: tell us about a piece of advice you’ve received — and would like to share with others.
21 thoughts on “The best piece of advice after 60h of Yoga teacher training”
wonderful lines, thank you! And when resting (instead of quitting) a totally different activity might help as well… for example: take some books, newspapers, a (quiet) loved one, some bottles of red wine, candles, excellent food, and let yourself float away… (like on that little pic):
You are perfectly right, and I ll do that next time! A radical change can only do us good, especially when it comes with some bottles of wine and excellent food 😉 Even better, all the treats on this boat! Where can I book it?
things like that you cannot book, you can only ask a pretty cool organizer to set it up for you… so, just let me know the “when & how many people” 😉
Hehehehe, will do for sure!
I have had those escape thoughts many times! When I am in a “can’t” mode, I just want to escape, and I dream of all sorts of events that would remove me from the present predicament. Over time, I figure out a way to get through it, tackling what I can, and leaving what I really can’t, and moving on to the next phase. I think when we start doing something we love as a job, it gets harder and less fun! Hope you can rediscover your love of yoga no matter what your relationship to it!
Thanks a lot Lexie for making me feel normal again! So I am not the only one dreaming of secret services agents delivering me from another painful asana 😉
I am getting back to it with a different approach, finally understanding that this is not about grading but only about understanding and developing. Funny how this literature about Ego, letting go and empathy make sense in theory, but once I have to apply to it myself, it is a brand new world to embrace ..
I really enjoy the ride, it is full of discoveries, not only physical but also emotional and spiritual. It is a journey indeed and I must learn to forget about the destination so I can really appreciate the voyage ..
Thanks again dear for your kind encouragements! Hugely appreciated 🙂
It seems studying is always a challenge even when it concerns yoga. However, you find your light in the end of tunnel! My sincere congratulations and huge good luck! Challenges destroy us or make stronger!
Thanks dear Ann 🙂 Yes, it is challenging but as you say, it makes us stronger. Because it also forces me to question my attitudes and beliefs, and appreciate ways not only to be a better teacher but moreover a better person. There is so much more to yoga than just postures, it is fascinating actually.
But precisely because there is so much, I really needed to press on pause so it could make some sense. And now it does 🙂
I feel so grateful and thankful for the chance to participate in this training with an excellent teacher, I am already looking forward to this week end for the next class 🙂 We should do a class one day with all our WordPress friends, topped with a delicious meal! How about that? X
I love your idea, 100% support, let’s do it!
On the list of the new resolutions for 2017 😉
would this be before or after the WordPress wedding reception?? 😉 🙂
After! So it’s really stress free. Or before, to come all fresh and relaxed at the reception? Or both? 😉
Here, Estelea is the main organizer, you should ask her, Hubert, but I bet it will be absolute fun!
both – just to be on the safe side…
Couldn’t agree more 👍🏻
What a beautiful journey you have been with yoga. It could only get better! Love it that you are spending time with your girl painting on a canvas! That’s awesome. Where do you find the place to do it?
THanks dear 😉 We are squatting the balcony, I should take a picture some day. Full of plastic bags and paper tapped on the floor, us wearing our “painting Tshirts”, gloves and masks when we polish the woods before applying the primer and the painting. We are becoming real pros at that. Take hours to prepare, before we can finally paint it. I have became the queen of DYI, I ll take your kids on a painting and yoga day when we ll be in Europe 😉 As long as you re cooking for us all!
DEAL!!!! Sounds like fun! When are you heading this way?! We’ll train it up to France for the weekend.
Love this post of yours! Also reminds me that I should try it again. And I adore thst T shirt!😃
Thanks dear! If ever we cross path in the same town, I ll gladly invite you to a class of mine 😉 I love the Tshirt too, sets up the mood perfectly, I am going to make one ! Have a great WE!